It's been a couple of weeks since I left a voicemail for my psychiatrist informing her of my decision to discontinue all meds and the canceling of all future appointments. I closed the message by thanking her for everything and welcoming her to call me if she thought it warranted some discussion. So far no return call. Silly, but I'm a bit disappointed and surprised not to hear back. I've been seeing her for nearly 4 years. She's witnessed a lot of my story and has seen first-hand how antidepressants have proven ineffective for me. One of the reasons I've stayed with her was because I sensed she might actually care to a tiny degree. I'm fully aware that doctors, especially therapists in particular, strive to avoid emotional connections with patients. It shouldn't be any other way. But speaking from the depressive patient's point of view, I think we're all looking for someone who even remotely cares in some way or another. I've been to doctors who treated their patients like cattle literally overbooking and subsequently packing the waiting room so as to see each patient for literally 2-5 minutes. It's humiliating and insensitive but it occurs daily in any given office.

I don't expect to be treated any differently than any other patient but it's given me pause to think that she would — at the very least from a doctor/patient relationship — feel compelled to check on me based on what she may consider to be an irrational decision on my part. Just a professional courtesy. I'm sure she's busy and may have intentions to follow up but hasn't had the time. Who's to know? I've noted in recent posts that my last couple of appointments ended swiftly as she seemingly appeared to be flustered with me. As each day goes by I'm convinced I will not hear from her again. At the risk of sounding like a whining baby, I did think she cared but I apparently misread her.


  1. I think when we're down it's all too easy to see the negative in people. Based on your dealings with her go with the 'she's busy' maybe as you've chosen to go meds free she's giving you the space to try that without clouding the issue. Good luck for the future, I hope things work out.

  2. Hey,

    From my look over your last few posts, it looks as though you are done with the meds. You must very very frustrated.

    I have the same sorta problem with my Dr. too. The problem where I live is that there are not enough psychiatrist around here so he has way too many patience.

    I looked over your list of meds a sec ago and would you be willing to try one more thing. I think you should try Wellbutrin + Adderal. 150mg Wellbutrin and Adderal 40 mg. I think its worth a try.

  3. Arove,
    I appreciate your suggestion but I am in fact, done with meds...at least up to this point. When I glance at my medicine cabinet and see the now empty shelf, I feel a glint of gladness that I'm not propped up on that stuff anymore. I feel basically the same without them. Maybe a bit more sad but not a huge difference. In hindsight, they did me no good. I was still depressed plus I had to endure side effects which pulled me down. I don't know what the future holds but I hope it can remain drug free.

  4. Just one more question. Do you have thick white or cream-colored deposits on your tongue? This has prevailed through my depression and I think I have just found the answer to why!! :)

  5. Uh, no. Can't say that I have.

  6. Ok good. My last one >>> ever looked into it being adrenal fatigue or chronic fatigue syndrome instead of depression. Ok enough from me. Goodluck!! :)

  7. Can't say that I've ever considered that. Thanks for the suggestion.

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