TNS (post #6)

It was time for another follow up appointment. It's been a total of 5 months undergoing this experimental treatment. I have 3 to go if I wish. For the previous month's appointment I had decided I'd had enough. It wasn't working and I was tiring of the inconvenience it was to sleep with this thing. Fast forward to this appointment and the scenario repeated itself. I went with the intention of turning in all the equipment and saying goodbye.

The facilitator immediately knew upon seeing that I had packed everything up that I was going to opt out. He wasted no time asking me if that was the case and I replied yes. We proceeded through the protocol of the appointment and then he laid out the big picture. Again, with his wise words and what seemed a genuine concern for me, I reconsidered just like last month...sort of. This time I was given the option to keep the device if I chose to continue. If I chose not to then arrangements would be made for me to FedEx the device back to them to save me the drive.

I spoke to my wife about it, asking her what she would do in this situation. She said she would continue to the end and didn't understand why I was so eager to quit. It wasn't easy explaining that one.

So I begrudgingly decided to continue for at least another month. I've lost faith that this will ever work but I have nothing to lose and I'll never know if it would have worked if I quit now. By the end of the month, the futility of the treatment will have gotten stronger. Then the facilitator will make me aware of all the options I have, or lack thereof, and my perception will change. It's become an annoying cycle.