TNS (post #6)

It was time for another follow up appointment. It's been a total of 5 months undergoing this experimental treatment. I have 3 to go if I wish. For the previous month's appointment I had decided I'd had enough. It wasn't working and I was tiring of the inconvenience it was to sleep with this thing. Fast forward to this appointment and the scenario repeated itself. I went with the intention of turning in all the equipment and saying goodbye.

The facilitator immediately knew upon seeing that I had packed everything up that I was going to opt out. He wasted no time asking me if that was the case and I replied yes. We proceeded through the protocol of the appointment and then he laid out the big picture. Again, with his wise words and what seemed a genuine concern for me, I reconsidered just like last month...sort of. This time I was given the option to keep the device if I chose to continue. If I chose not to then arrangements would be made for me to FedEx the device back to them to save me the drive.

I spoke to my wife about it, asking her what she would do in this situation. She said she would continue to the end and didn't understand why I was so eager to quit. It wasn't easy explaining that one.

So I begrudgingly decided to continue for at least another month. I've lost faith that this will ever work but I have nothing to lose and I'll never know if it would have worked if I quit now. By the end of the month, the futility of the treatment will have gotten stronger. Then the facilitator will make me aware of all the options I have, or lack thereof, and my perception will change. It's become an annoying cycle.


  1. Hi 4-Lorn,
    I'm sorry to hear that the TNS treatment doesn't seem to be doing anything for you. But I'm glad that you decided to keep up with the treatment just in case. Even if you are only doing it for your wife's sake more than anything, I'm glad you're sticking with it.

  2. I shake my head with you in solidarity.

  3. Completely unrelated to this post, although I do sympathize, have you ever considered writing a book?

  4. I'm really not a very good writer. This subject would be all I could write about and who wants to read the ramblings of a depressive anyway? There's thousands of books out there already written by depressed people. Blogging is a way to get things organized and out of my head. I doubt I'll ever write a book unless some publisher stumbles upon this site and sees potential. Thanks for all your comments and support.