The Inner Critic

A typical, daily conversation I have with myself.

Me: I'm grateful for my physical health.

Inner Critic: What good is physical health if you can't enjoy it mentally? Eventually all humans decline and decay. You're no exception. Being grateful for it doesn't change the inevitable. 

Me: I'm grateful to have a steady job.

Inner Critic: Oh really? That dead end job? The one that bores you to tears and literally causes you to doze at your desk frequently? The job that's made you into a soulless robot? You know you feel completely trapped. You can't quit and attempt a career makeover. Not at your age. You have no clue what you'd want to do anyway. So you settle and stay put because there's no other options. You're not grateful for the job. You're dependent on the paycheck.

Me: At least my children are healthy.

Inner Critic: So what? You know deep in your heart you never really wanted to bring kids into this wicked, evil world. They'll experience good times yes, but pain and suffering always have more of a lasting impact. You've already seen the effects of life on their faces, in their eyes. Just like you, their physical and mental health will slowly be sucked away and there's nothing you can do about it. Kids break parents' hearts. That's their job.

Me: Well, I have a pretty decent house in a nice neighborhood.

Inner Critic: That house literally breaks your back with all the yard work, maintenance and repair. It's a huge money pit. You know you long to live in an apartment or condo that's lawn-free. The work is never ending. And don't forget that so-called nice neighborhood allowed your house to be burglarized a few years back. That will stay with you and your family forever. Give me a break.

Me: I'm blessed with friends and family.

Inner Critic: Family irritates you to the core and you barely have any friends and you know it.

Me: That was a fairly decent workout at the gym today.

Inner Critic: You should have exerted yourself more. You should have spent more time there. You'll never see results with that prissy routine. You never workout as much and as hard as you should.

Me: Someday I'll beat depression. Some day I'll find a solution.

Inner Critic: You've been saying that for decades. Where has it gotten you? Odds are you'll go to your grave a bitter, lonely sad old man. Face the reality.

Me: Do you ever shut up?

Inner Critic: What's that popular acronym? Oh yes.... LOL.